Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
