someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
