I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
