whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
