Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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