i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
