I swear god or herbie drove my car home
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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