at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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