You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
