they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
