you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
