Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
