He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
