I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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