call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
