I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
