Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
