the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
