you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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