I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
