So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
