I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Panties = found
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