Just cropdusted the office
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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