My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
