chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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