I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
