Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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