from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
