Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
