my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
