I'm lost and stupid without you.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
