I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
