Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
