Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
