And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
