Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
