we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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