i drank out of a bidet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
