Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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