I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
