Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
