so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
