Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
