bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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