When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
