hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
