1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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