Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
