just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
