It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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