She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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