you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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