My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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