I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
