Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
