All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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