I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
